We met for months before she told me she’d been scared to trust a Christian. A hypocritical parent had forced church down her throat while terrorizing the family the rest of the week. She was certain I’d judge her and when I hadn’t, she agreed to also attend church with me, as long as I understood she wasn’t sure there’s a God. I told her that was fine. Come anyway.
She kept coming to counseling, read books I loaned her, and finally said she was changing her mind. Maybe there was a God and maybe He wasn’t like she’d thought.
We kept meeting and developed a relationship. Still she held back from surrendering to Christ. “I think I believe now,” she said, “but I’m scared. What if God leaves me too? What if I don’t do it right? What if I just can’t trust anyone ever again?”
I explained the gospel in detail over and over, showed her how to use a Bible, taught her how to pray, but old fears were strong. She wanted the externals of Christian practice because it was good for her kids. But inside, she was closed.
So we just talked. And talked. And talked.
“What if I believe but I can’t trust? Is that okay?” she asked last week.
And the Holy Spirit gave me an idea. “Yes. Faith is all that’s required to come to God and He has already supplied that or you wouldn’t care. But trust is built over time, in relationship, as you experience things that help you believe a person is trustworthy. Faith and trust are not always the same thing.
"Remember when you first called me? You used faith to walk in that door and talk to a stranger. That’s all it took to begin our relationship. But over time, you've come to know me, to trust me.”
Her eyes misted. “Oh. I see now,” she said. “He understands if I can’t trust yet? It's okay if I take some time trusting Him completely?”
“Absolutely,” I said. “I'm still working on it myself. He welcomes people with trust issues because He knows He will never let them down. He is a Father who will never abandon you. Your heart and your trust are safe with Him. So what’s keeping you from starting that relationship?"
She'd always balked at this point, made excuses, and we ended our session. But this time she swallowed hard and the first tears I’d seen her shed started down her cheek. “Nothing,” she said.
So last week, I got to welcome my new sister into the family of God.
This week, she was radiant with a new joy, an eagerness to devour everything Bible she can get her hands on. She's teaching her kids to read the Bible and pray and they love church. They're learning together.
Before she left my office this week, she wore a new kind of smile. "I'm not angry anymore," she said. "I don't feel so alone."
She was already discovering that Jesus is a safe place for people with trust issues.
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